The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband, it turns out that in 30% of our families there is an alcoholic - this figure is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol abuse has a harmful effect on the whole family, and a large number of such families are already becoming a social problem. Families where the man drinks are more likely to become socially vulnerable, and children in such families suffer. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.
The main reasons why the husband starts drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure, and the second is addiction. However, if he drinks for pleasure, the person who drinks has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why the husband starts drinking are as follows:
- Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in society, because of the mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, or a cocktail or two at the bar on the weekend - there seems to be nothing wrong with it.
- Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink on holidays, if something important happens, you should get drunk first, and people in society are distrustful of a person who does not drink.
- Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol, that way they overcome their shyness.
- Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not common to go to a psychologist, and the culture imposes on men the image of a brutal, masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but they are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking becomes the only way to deal with stress. This is a common reason for the emergence and development of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs
Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example on holidays. It happens that they exaggerate. When should you start worrying? Psychologists are often asked this question by the wives of such men. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it's time to act.
Regular use
If a man does not drink occasionally, but often and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a reason for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, it is a sign of addiction. It is also important what he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.
Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use lead to severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call it "not knowing how to drink". Over time, tolerance, or resistance to alcohol increases, and a person can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms appear, or a hangover - you feel bad the next morning. In the final stage of alcoholism, tolerance to alcohol decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniffing the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong craving for alcohol and a desire for a hangover - drink a little to ease the pain. The hangover habit becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The appearance of overeating
Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol over several days (3 or more). At the same time, the husband who drinks enters a special cycle of drinking: every morning he feels bad, hungover, then drinks during the day and becomes very drunk again, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats. With long-term use of alcohol, psychological disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of altered consciousness, accompanied by strong agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Regular drinking leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but well known to addiction specialists. Such changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakness of will, inability to resist cravings;
- Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- Inability to take responsibility for one's actions;
- Lying to loved ones and self-deception.
Over time, an alcoholic turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, he cannot control his actions, it is impossible to count on him - after all, at any moment he can get drunk, forget about agreements, spend money or even show aggression towards loved onesto persons : In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or frustration, which again leads him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He realizes that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Wives of addicted husbands often say about them, "He's so good when he's sober, but when he's drinking, he's a different person. "
Social consequences
Usually the relatives of the drunkard hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it is already difficult to do so. An alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that get him fired. In a drunken state, he can commit various offenses or injure himself. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from him. Gradually, those around him begin to avoid him, and his entire social circle is limited to fellow alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.
Mistakes that women often make with a drinking husband
Psychologists call wives of drinking husbands "codependent. "This term denotes relatives of addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in a way that, even against their will, contributes to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes alcoholic wives make:
- Accusations. Of course, the behavior of a drunken man and its consequences do not sit well with their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold them, complain, appeal to their conscience. So they only support the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- Attempts to hide the problem from others. Often a woman covers her husband in front of her relatives, makes excuses for her superiors and solves all problems herself. Or he insists on drinking at home, locked up - it's safer.
- Supporting the lifestyle of an addict: a wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover" from a hangover, gives him money to drink, looks for him among alcoholic friends and brings him home. Sometimes he drinks with him - with the idea that he will drink less.
- Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they never come true.
- Ignoring the problem: since the husband is good when he doesn't drink, the wife resignedly tolerates his drunken behavior.
Often in codependent families, a situation can be observed in which the wife seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, denies him money or sex, and raises scandals. But at the same time, all her attempts have no effect: the husband just drinks more and more, and the wife gets harder and harder. But she gets a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are familiar with the situation. Compared to her husband, to those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr, people sympathize with her and sympathize with her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists
If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to endure this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, the woman can always file for divorce and walk away. Moreover, a drunken husband often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. All those close to the alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Do not forget that there are no former alcoholics. In order not to provoke, let there never be alcohol in your house again.
- Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last moment. Sometimes, after a frightening or painful experience, a drinker wants to stop, but then his resolve weakens - until next time. Narcologists can help - clean the blood of toxins, ease a difficult physical condition, improve your condition with the help of drugs. Then, the psychotherapist should work with the addict, because psychological addiction is more difficult to overcome than physical addiction.
- It is important to make contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't have to become a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
- Change your environment. Any alcoholic friends who drag a recovering person back into their swamp should be cut out of your life.
- Don't take it all on yourself. Do not give your husband money, do not hide his problems from relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
- Do not shame a man and do not feel sorry for him. If you see him trying to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavours. But be firm if he reaches for the bottle again.
Remember that the problem of alcoholism in the family is difficult to solve alone. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.
Traditional methods of treatment of alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into medicinal and psychotherapeutic ones.
With the help of medicines, doctors can:
- Soothe a hangover;
- Improves well-being, supports the work of internal organs;
- Clean the blood from toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
- Reduce the desire to consume alcohol - the so-calledsubstitution therapy.
Psychotherapeutic methods help to reduce psychological dependence. This includes:
- Encryption: the doctor orders the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of coding drugs was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the bloodstream, would release poison, which would lead to the patient's death.
- Classic hypnosis: the psychotherapist gives the order not to drink or not to want alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but is a little gentler, as it does not involve an immediate threat to health or life if used.
- NLP, or neuro-linguistic programming: the expert uses the patient's perceptual channels - auditory, visual and tactile - to enhance the desired reactions in him and reduce the craving for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, gestalt approach): the psychotherapist deeply analyzes the psychological problems of addicts and indicates ways to solve them, helps in learning new ways of behaving.
Alternative medicine
Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal medicines that cause a strong reaction in the body when used together with alcohol. For example, dung, tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With long-term use, the active substances of the mushroom accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, providing a characteristic reaction to each intake of alcohol. This method has long been used in villages to treat alcoholics from addiction.
To alleviate the painful state of alcohol intoxication, folk remedies are also used: a decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.
All kinds of conspiracies and slander about water "so that the husband does not drink" are also used, prayers, reprimands against drunkenness - these methods are popular among people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.
Is it possible to make my husband stop drinking without his consent?
Some wives, seeing that their husband will not stop drinking alcohol, try to wean him from the bad habit themselves without his knowledge. For example, they add some medicines to food and drink. This is quite dangerous, and doctors do not recommend it.
In order to stop drinking, the addict has to want it himself, realizing that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships and life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic tries to never stop drinking.
However, there are things that an alcoholic's wife can start doing at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and which depend only on her. She needs to understand her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in your life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. To change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.
How do you know when it's time to seek help from a narcologist?
There are several characteristic signs by which it can be safely said that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. This includes:
- Frequent, regular use with painful hangovers;
- Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a person starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Drinking alone at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to severe alcoholism);
- Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (the husband tries to hide the fact that he drinks from his wife);
- Several days of intoxication from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.
All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. The relatives of the alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will quickly develop with the most serious consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor as soon as possible.